Friday, 23 December 2011
Teenish is a racquet game invented in the late 19th Century, the exact same time as tennis.
At the time it was considered a "war of two sports", which would drive hotly fought divides amongst lawn associations across the land.
If one where to compare this split in sports, one would say it is like the technological battle of Blu Ray to HD DVD or Beetamax to VHS or Alison Moyet to Kirstie MacColl. Thankfully the battle between the last two was solved by MacColl proving no matter how hard you are, one can not win in a head butting fight with a speed boat.
Similarities in both sports was apparent. Both used racquets. Both had courts and nets. Yet one was destined to fail due to its short comings. As tennis embraced the free flowing play and daring shots. teenish did not.
Teenish had a few failings that the tennis hierarchy simply scoffed at. Teenish showed many that although a spectacle, setting fire to the racquet between each point was fool hardy.
As winning a set in tennis was a solid point of progress, winning a set in teenish was met with the triumphant set winner, having the word "set!" tattooed into their arm.
The points system of tennis, although strange at first. Was welcomed and easily digested. Teenish alas favoured less simplicity. As a set was finished without mention of one point. The umpire (on a seat four times the height of tennis) would simply pass a ball boy a "Gas bill algorithm" to read out. Frustrated players would often "bully" ball boys into answers, as top lips quivered and many a child left the court mid game never to return in floods of tears.
Some two whole years after Teenishisisis (ah bollocks!) inception, it was gone. A sport that had the world in it's hands yet chose a prosaic, malaise, of lunacy to bring the public into its world