Saturday, 12 May 2012

This Week: Owen Hargreaves Soccer Playstation 3

With the transfer of Owen Hargreaves from Bayern Munich in 2007, Owen Hargreaves agent saw fit to promote his player's standing for his new club.
Of the many self promoting exploits Hargreaves ventured into, a video game seemed a worthy asset to his profile. With the new Playstation system hitting the shops, Hargreaves's agent: Helmet Worn decided to capitalize on this.
Approaching Sony regarding this, Worn agreed a deal to launch a game based on Hargreaves's exploits as a Manchester United player. Hargreaves was brought in early to discuss his routine at the club and also to "motion capture" his playing style.
Sony worked strenuously to capture everything that would occur in the players day to help immerse the player of the video game. It was so impressive, that Sony included Alex Ferguson himself in the game!
Once the game was released, sales were excellent. Fans declared the game to be the "next level" in football simulation. But after 3 months, gamers started to gather on internet forums to excitedly talk of how the game became really strange!
As Sony had worked so hard to programme all the elements that made Hargreaves the talented player he was. They also created a programme that was self aware! As Hargreaves became injured, the excitement of the crowds and goals lessened. These were swapped for treadmills and laps alone, on a training pitch. As this became tiresome for the gamer, it became a point of anger for the CPU Alex Ferguson!
As Hargreaves worked on the weights in the gym, a voice would be heard saying: "Off there new Own, I need yee ta do a few jorbs!" The CPU Ferguson had decided that if Hargreaves would no play, then he would earn his crust as an odd job man!
The player became dumbfounded by new tasks he where given. Painting walls, building fences, fitting windows. Even cleaning boots! As the game had morphed into the bizarre world, so had the computer Ferguson. As tasks were finished Sir Alex would arrive to give barely a whisper of credit. Owen's character started to become disillusioned as a footballer. Ferguson though, only became more demanding. More tasks were thrown at Hargreaves and his reliability slipped. It became a regular occurrence for the player to here Ferguson scream: "NOWEN,WHA' YA DOOON!" as Hargreaves errors increased.
Gamers also began to become sick of the Ribenna faced, hair trigger tempered, jock appearing. Many decided to sell the game rather feel the apoplectic rage of the unapologetic bastard. For those who stayed on, a new phrase was born: "Leave it to Hargreaves" as many cited the games mutation akin to a Norman Wisdom film.
In the end, the sadomasachistic few that clung on were rewarded with a get out. With Hargreaves stat's at an all time low, a get out clause arrived as Ferguson became bored of the "lilly livered odd job man". The player made a youtube video of Hargreaves work out and the game ended as Owen left for Manchester City.
Hargreaves himself was asked about the game's similarity to his own real time at United, with Hargreaves declaring: "no comment!"

1 comment:

  1. Holy crap, this game is pretty scary - I wondered why I couldn't find it in shops! It's like a football-based Sims expansion or something.

    Wonder what people picking up this game second hand are thinking now? "I thought this was about football but I'm spending 75% of the time at London Heathrow waiting for the plane to Canada or Germany. And that weird Scottish bloke keeps calling me vowing revenge for City's title. What the fork?"

    Worse, the real life Owen Hargreaves increasingly gets the feeling he is being controlled by a mysterious force - he's right, because it's the one person that still owns the game.

    You may just have another blockbuster film here Lakester. ;)